


Longing, Heartache and Lust

by hllfire



Series: Cherik Week 2020 Works [7]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Angst, Charles Xavier is a Tease, Erik Has Feelings, Everyone Needs A Hug, Inspired by The Witcher, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Poor Erik, Sexual Content, Sorcerer Charles, The Witcher AU, Unrequited Love, Witcher Erik, Witchers Have Feelings (The Witcher), but life's not fair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:33:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24583849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hllfire/pseuds/hllfire
Summary: Erik rides to a Northern town in search of some peace for himself so he can rest for a while. Unfortunately, instead of peace, Erik finds Charles.Title from "Her Sweet Kiss" from the Netflix show The Witcher.Fill for the Day 7 of Cherik Week: Free.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Series: Cherik Week 2020 Works [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1769767
Comments: 17
Kudos: 36
Collections: Cherik Week 2020





	Longing, Heartache and Lust

**Author's Note:**

> THE LAST FIC OF CHERIK WEEK! I still can't believe I managed to write seven different stories to post (plus another one that I'll post later this month probably), it was insane. But here we go to the free day of Cherik Week where I chose to post my Witcher AU because I finished the Netflix series recently and I couldn't help but think about Erik as a witcher and Charles as a sorcerer (because of Geralt and Yennefer's dynamic in the series). As much as Charles as a bard is nice, I really wanted to give Charles a more cold personality here because of the angst that comes with it lmao.  
> I really hope you guys enjoy this!
> 
> TRANSLATION IN CHINESE [NOW AVAILABLE](http://www.mtslash.me/thread-336883-1-1.html)!

Erik wasn't trying to find work, much less trying to find trouble, all he wanted was a moment of peace, as hard as it was for him to have it. So, when he saw Charles standing at the market covered in furrs that would take Erik a lifetime of work for him to buy, he started to wonder if he wasn't cursed in some way.

He considered turning back, taking his horse and trying his luck in the next town where he wouldn't be in the presence of the sorcerer and could actually take a break from his life and maybe even sleep if luck was on his side. But luck was never on his side. No, Erik could never count on luck, because it never favoured him in any situation, so it wasn't really a surprise when Charles turned his face, eyes wide and lips slightly parted in surprise, and stared directly at the witcher as if he had felt Erik there. And he probably did.

Erik suppressed a grunt, deciding that his life was just a sequence of unpleasant moments on top of each other and accepting that maybe he _was_ cursed after all, before turning his back and trying to walk back to where he left his horse.

He almost made it to his horse, almost managed to escape — even if the idea of _escaping Charles_ seemed almost petty in Erik's head —, but of course Charles had reached him first, the feeling of the necklace around his neck and the dagger that the sorcerer always carried with him too familiar for Erik not to recognize as Charles approached him.

"If I didn't know better I would think you're running away from me, Erik Lehnsherr."

Erik stopped his walking after he heard the man's voice, familiar, firm and strong as it always was, or tried to be, and he noticed that the sorcerer stopped walking as well, keeping himself a certain distance from the witcher, eyes staring at Erik's back as he refused to turn around.

"I think that's your job, isn't it?"

His voice sounded bitter even to himself, stained with some feeling that made him clench his jaw as he regretted opening his mouth and allowing Charles to hear those words and know exactly what Erik thought. Not that Charles ever needed words to know what Erik, or anyone, was thinking, his Gift gave him that advantage over people. The sorcerer had said he would never pry where he wasn't wanted, had promised that he would never be in Erik's thoughts without being invited, but he had also always said that, for a quiet man, Erik's mind seemed to scream, to call for Charles in a way that always made the sorcerer full of awe.

"I'm not running away now, am I?" Charles' voice called again, and if Erik wasn't paying attention he wouldn't have noticed how it wavered for a moment or how long the pause before he said those words lasted.

Charles didn't take pauses, quick witted ever since Erik had crossed paths with him for the first time, unless he was plotting something and he needed the right words to keep going with his plans, or unless he had been thrown off guard, which was fairly rare for someone with a Gift like his. Charles didn't pause whenever he talked to someone, and yet he had paused there, Erik's words making the mage lose his quick thought for a moment, and it was petty of Erik to wish that the small pause meant something, meant that Erik had been able to hurt the sorcerer in some way. But he knew that it was wishful thinking.

"There's a tavern just a few streets away, witcher." he called out, voice back to that firm tone that made Charles look like he had control over everything, like there were no demons haunting his mind. "You wouldn't refuse a few drinks with an old friend, would you?"

By logic, at least by his logic, Erik should've had just walked away and left Charles behind, should've refused and kept going with his life. But, instead, Erik turned around and finally looked at the sorcerer, finding Charles' blue eyes staring intensely at him in a way that made Erik wonder how someone's eyes could have that color. The color of the ocean, of the raging waters that could make boats sink and drive men mad. Maybe they were a testament to what Charles could do, to the wreck he could make in someone's life, a warning in those bright blue eyes of the uncertainty Charles could bring with him if you were fool enough to let him too close.

He saw the sorcerer rise his eyebrows as if he was demanding Erik's answer, and he couldn't hold back the sigh that left his lips as he realized that he would give in into the invitation. He liked to think that it was Charles making him do this, breaking his promise and luring Erik's mind into spending time with the sorcerer, but he knew very well that Charles didn't need to influence him in any way, his own mind would make that choice on its own and make him regret ever listening to that impulse on the next day.

Charles seemed slightly surprised when Erik _did_ walk towards him, a clear sign that his answer was positive, and some kind of satisfaction crossed his face for a moment, making Erik already regret taking those few steps towards him.

"You're paying." the witcher said.

This close, Erik was able to see the freckles that painted Charles' ivory skin. They were faded on his face, except for a few more prominent ones, but the witcher knew well that, under the furrs that kept Charles warm in that Northern town while winter started to set in, his shoulders and back were speckled with freckles that he had touched back then, had traced the patterns with the tips of his fingers and the tip of his tongue. Up close, Erik was able to notice the way Charles' lips were red in the cold, more than they normally were, and his mind couldn't stop from remembering how soft those lips were against his own or against the skin of his body. His cheeks seemed flushed as well, the cold breeze painting his cheeks and nose pink and musing his hair slightly, making a few dark locks fall over his face.

"Of course. I'm the one inviting anyway." Charles said, bringing Erik back to the moment. If he had caught a glimpse of what Erik had thought just then, the sorcerer didn't show it, face still leveled as he turned around to guide Erik towards the tavern he had talked about.

They walked side by side, with Erik just one step behind as if he was giving himself some advantage to run away in case he needed to. Charles didn't mention it, only kept walking, face serious as they went on in silence, the people around them stopping to stare at the both of them while they passed. The silence stayed with them as they entered the tavern, as they sat on a vacant table away from the drunken men around them, only broken by Charles' voice ordering two ales for them but coming back once they looked at each other again. 

Erik's face was usually neutral, no emotions that could give away much of what he was thinking to anyone, but he knew that at that moment, while he stared at the sorcerer's face, his jaw was more clenched than it normally would be, his brows were making a frown on his face and his eyes were harder than they usually were. At that moment, Erik almost felt like an open book for Charles to read without even using his own Gift to do it, and the witcher knew that he would, that Charles would see everything clearly in seconds, and there wasn't nothing he could really do to prevent it. He should've just walked away, after all.

Charles blinked a few times as he looked at Erik's face, leaning back slightly as his expression showed that he was able to see the anger and uneasiness in Erik's body, an almost apologetic smile appearing on his lips for a second there as their drinks were served.

"Good to see you again too, Erik." he said, raising his ale as if to make a toast and taking a sip of it. Erik didn't react. "I can see you're as charming and warm as ever."

"What are you doing up North, Charles?" Erik finally said something, making the sorcerer sigh as if he thought Erik's question was a nuisance. "I thought you would be South on your useless search."

Charles huffed out a laugh at that, face dark and eyes turning hard as he stared back at Erik. The smile on his lips never reached his eyes, it was nothing but murderous, as if he could raise his hand and drain the life from Erik at that moment for saying that. Erik didn't break, even if he regretted the venom in his own words and wished he had stayed silent, that his mouth hadn't allowed him to voice his frustration with the reason why Charles never stayed, one of the reasons why Erik could never keep him in the first place, and soon he saw the sorcerer take a deep breath and close his eyes. He was trying to calm down, a fragment of his power brushing against Erik's mind by accident as he did so, allowing Erik to feel just how mad and hurt the witcher's words had made him. When Charles opened his eyes again, that small tendril of connection was gone, as well as with most of the anger that stained his demeanor for a moment. The sorcerer couldn't allow his feelings to show, after all. They had at least that in common.

"The South proved to be useless to me for now so I came up North." his voice was stiff, some kind of hesitant tone still there behind his words, but soon his body relaxed a little more. "What about you? Are you looking for work here? I heard about a banshee on a nearby village. Easy work for you, I would think."

"I'm not looking for work." Erik said. Charles raised his eyebrows, genuinely curious. "I was actually looking for a day off. Came here to rest." 

"The great Erik Lehnsherr, the one the bards sing about all over the Continent, looking for a day off?" there was a shift in Charles' demeanor then, some of the tension between them dissipating as the man smirked. "That's new for all I know."

"Not that you know much in the first place."

Charles laughed, really laughed this time, eyes showing amusement at the blunt way Erik said those words as he took a big sip of his ale, eyes staring at the sorcerer and watching his smile closely. Dangerous and deadly, that smile, capable of bending anyone to the sorcerer's wishes if Charles really wanted to, capable of bringing a man to his death if said man wasn't careful enough, and yet it brought Erik some kind of fondness that he wasn't supposed to feel.

"Tell me about your last hunt." Charles asked, that tentative smile still on his lips as his fingers played with the cup in front of him, Erik's Gift allowing him to feel the heat of the sorcerer's fingertips against the cold metal in an intimate way as he tried his best to ignore. "They always were fun to hear."

"Your _fun_ is hearing how I almost die every time." Erik stated, seeing the smile in Charles' lips widen.

"It's what makes the stories good, darling."

Erik sighed, getting comfortable on his seat before starting to tell Charles what he wanted to hear. He had agreed on drinking with the sorcerer, after all, so telling him about what he had done before coming to this town wouldn't be that much of a problem. It was the same of talking to anyone else who asked him about his adventures, although Erik had to admit that he would never tell anything to anyone if the one asking wasn't Charles. It was as if Charles' presence caused Erik to talk more in those few moments that they were together than he ever talked in his whole life, as if Charles made something inside of Erik loose enough for him to let the words flow, emotion flowing with them, and Erik was sure that no one in his life had heard him talk as much as Charles had, had known Erik's thoughts like Charles did, and it was a scary thought that would only come when Charles left him again, because that was the rule: Charles would talk, would make Erik talk, Erik would want him to stay, and Charles would leave. It had been like this for the years they had known each other and there was nothing for Erik to believe it would change.

So Erik talked, allowed their normal dynamic to happen as they drank and acted as if they were good friends sharing stories and beer in that tavern in a Northern town, as if they weren't witcher and sorcerer, both haunted by demons they couldn't seem to get rid of. Demons that stopped them from letting their paths do more than cross a few times through their lives, sometimes intertwining but never becoming the same path. 

Charles seemed to have forgotten the anger from before as Erik talked, smile now never leaving his lips as he heard carefully to each word that left the witcher's mouth, his eyes shining with interest. He had always said that Erik was fascinating, had always asked too many questions to understand Erik's nature out of sheer curiosity and interest, and Erik never really had a heart to tell him to fuck off of just give the sorcerer one of his looks that was sure to make people take a step back — although, from experience, Charles didn't step back even if Erik looked like he would murder him where he stood —, and that made Charles the only person who really knew Erik, which meant that, for the witcher, he was the most dangerous man on the Continent.

"It's impressive how you're still alive." Charles said after a while, Erik's lips curving upwards into a smile despite of himself as he saw Charles' smirk. "You always seem to get near death with every hunt."

"It's my job." Erik shrugged. "And I'm good enough at it to _not_ die. You, on the other hand, would die a terrible death if you tried."

"Oh, please dear, we both know that that's not true. The one thing I'm good at is keeping myself alive. I wouldn't have survived Ban Ard and their hatred if it wasn't for my strong will to live and the errands I run to _stay_ alive."

"They still hate you, don't they?"

"Hate is a strong word, but they _are_ displeased with my choice of living. I haven't settled and done my duties as a mage in a few years, always wandering through the land." Charles made a face that showed how little he cared about the institution who taught him how to control Chaos — even if the sorcerer had learned many of his tricks on his own on the road —, a spark of bitterness staining his eyes. "They want me to give up. Fools, all of them."

"What if they're right?"

Erik regretted voicing his opinion immediately when Charles' blue eyes stared at him, cold and hard as ice. Sometimes the fact that Erik couldn't keep quiet around Charles was a problem, because he couldn't help but saying the wrong thing, saying the truth that the sorcerer didn't want to hear, and it always made the tension between them grow again. That was one of those occasions, and Erik watched as Charles' body went stiff under the furrs, too familiar with the other man to not notice that, and seeing everyone at the tavern get uneasy all of the sudden, Charles' presence in the back of all of their minds as he tried to control it.

"I am well aware of your opinion of my quest, Erik, and I _don't_ want to hear it again."

"I'm just saying that if you stopped with this nonsense searching you could be somewhere now, not searching for something that doesn't exist in a shitty town on the North." Erik couldn't help but say, still wanting to put some sense into the sorcerer's mind as his expression turned sour on the other side of the table. "You are powerful and there are courts who would battle to have you by their side if you only-"

"I don't know if you realized, but I don't care about being some royal fuck's mage." Charles' voice was completely different from before, strained and filled with rage, his Gift pulsating inside of the tavern out of control and making some people around them look very confused. "I don't care about what Ban Ard wants me to do, I only care about what I _need_ to do."

"It's good that you don't care about what your old school thinks then, since you're probably the subject of laughter for them."

"Shut up, Erik-"

"A sorcerer looking for a way to bring the dead back to life... I'm sure both Ban Ard and Aretuza have many jokes about you and this _stupid_ idea of yours."

"I said _shut up!"_

All around them, the tavern grew quiet, Charles' words a command that worked for everyone except the witcher, who looked at the mage with some mixture of annoyance and pity in his eyes. Charles was breathing heavily, eyes starting to get wet as they stared back at Erik with so much rage that it almost made him look away.

"I'm sorry that you never had anyone worth trying to cheat Death for. It's not my fault the empty life you live, that you never loved someone, but Raven died when she should be living-" Charles stopped for a moment, sucking in a choked breath as a tear fell down his face, look still sour and enraged over the witcher. Erik only looked at him, his words stinging a little even if he wouldn't let it show. "She died because Aretuza was reckless in sending her to that duty, she died because they didn't care about her, and I intend on bringing her back."

"It's not possible, Charles. I told you before-"

"You don't know everything."

"I know enough to understand that death cannot be undone by magic." Erik raised his voice a little, making Charles lean back and widen his eyes. Around them, the tavern started to be noisy again, people talking with confused faces, a few of them staring at Charles and Erik with unpleasant looks. "You're running at a dead end, Charles. Raven won't come back and you're wasting your life on it, and I'm sure you know that, deep down. You know that there's no way to bring her back, and yet you keep holding on to your hope and your fucking pride."

Charles almost seemed to sink down in his chair for a moment, more tears leaving his eyes as Erik held back the urge to go to him and hold him close, rid him of the pain that Erik knew he was feeling. His face seemed more pale than ever now, mouth parted as he still had some trouble to breathe and his eyes more than ever looked like agitated waters, as if acceptance and rage fought for control inside of him. Charles, who always presented himself as strong and in control, chin high and intelligent eyes looking down at everyone he ever met, now looked weak, as if he couldn't even take a stand, as if all the strength that he pretended to have had left his body and left the broken man who couldn't let go of the pain of losing the only family he ever had, the only family he loved and cared for.

Erik knew Charles partially blamed himself for Raven's death, he had witnessed the guilt the sorcerer felt in one of their encounters, and maybe that was the reason why Charles didn't give up. He didn't want to live with that guilt, even of he wasn't guilty at all, and wanted to make up for it by bringing the girl back. But he would never be able to do that, death wasn't reversible, and Charles' search for something that could help him bring Raven back was doomed to always end up in nothing. Erik had warned Charles about it years ago, but Charles had always refused to listen, too _stubborn and desperate_ to listen, and he always left Erik behind as if to prove a point, to show the witcher that he wouldn't give up. It was almost pitiful.

"It was good meeting you again, witcher." the sorcerer's voice now was formal, his body and face turning neutral as he hid himself behind a mask, and Erik knew what that was. Charles was leaving again. "But I think I must go now."

He got up, face still distant as he took a few coins off of his pocket and put on the desk to pay for the drinks as he said he would do. Erik only watched for a moment as Charles moved around the tables to leave the tavern, body stiff but still moving with a grace only Charles seemed to have, before grunting and getting up, following the man out and grabbing his arm once they were both on the street. Charles looked back at him with a warning to let him go, to leave him alone, but Erik didn't move.

"I know you don't have anything better to do right now." Erik said, seeing the scowl in Charles' face and keeping his voice as calm as possible. He wasn't one for apologizing, specially when all he had said was true, but he didn't like to see Charles like that. "Walk with me."

"And what if I _do_ have something better to do?"

Erik smiled at that, making Charles' expression change to one of surprise even if for a second, anger subsiding for a few moments as Erik shrugged.

"Do you?" Charles pursed his lips, giving Erik his answer as he carefully let go of Charles' arm now that he was sure the man wouldn't run. "Then come. We don't need to talk, just walk with me."

The sorcerer sighed loudly, seemingly defeated and fixing the furrs around his body, face already turning slightly pink with the cold wind. This time, Charles was the one who grabbed Erik's arm, linking them together and starting to walk, face now facing forwards and ignoring Erik as they went. No one seemed to notice the intimate gesture between the two men even if the streets weren't empty, and Erik didn't have to think much to understand that Charles was using his Gift, the power touching the back of Erik's mind again as they walked and people around them looked away like they weren't able to see the two of them. It was the benefit of having Charles by his side, the control he had over other people's minds. Erik knew that he could pull the sorcerer right now and kiss him in public and no one would bat an eye at them because Charles would make them completely oblivious to their presence, just like they were doing as they walked arm in arm as if they were lovers.

"Good thing we're not talking," Charles finally said after they walked through a few streets, his expression now looking like one of an annoyed child, making Erik smile again despite himself. "you only say stupid shit."

"Then I guess we're the same." Erik replied, looking at Charles to catch his reaction and seeing a minimal smile appear on his lips. He still seemed angry and uneasy, but it was no secret that, just like Erik, he felt comfortable in the presence of the witcher.

Erik kept his word of not talking, only walking around the town with Charles until he felt the man calm down, muscles relaxing under the furrs and body leaning a little more against Erik's as they went. It was comfortable, and Erik tried his best to push back every thought of self-hatred that crossed his mind as he realized how weak he was when it came to the sorcerer. He could've kept walking when they first saw each other that day, left the town and gone elsewhere to rest and live his life without another encounter with Charles, and yet he didn't, stopping and agreeing with the proposal of a drink. He could've left Charles alone after their discussion, could've let Charles hurt and be free of the sorcerer, but he went after him and now they walked with their arms intertwined as if they were this close all the time. He seemed to like the way it hurt to see Charles leave again at the end of the day, it was the only explanation Erik found for his actions, and he felt petty, weak.

"Do you have somewhere to stay?" Charles finally talked again when day started to turn to night, bright blue eyes turning towards Erik's face with calm inside of them.

"Not yet. I had just arrived when you spotted me."

"You mean when _you_ spotted me." Charles corrected, smirking and squeezing Erik's arm tenderly, almost as if he truly enjoyed Erik's company. "Your mind screamed my name in the crowd. Loud as always. It was hard not to notice it. It's always hard not to notice your mind whenever you're close."

Erik didn't answer, keeping his mouth shut as he looked away from Charles. His face was leveled and didn't show much, which was a victory considering he tended to show _too much_ when it came to the sorcerer, but he was sure that Charles was able to pick up on the way his mind became agitated with his words. Charles had said before that Erik's mind called to him, that he could pick Erik on a crowd of thousands as easily as if he was alone, and Erik had recently learned that his mind really seemed to only call out for Charles'. He remembered meeting Emma Frost, the Ice Queen, and being exposed to her powers. While Charles' mind was warm and soft against Erik — when he wasn't mad at the witcher, at least —, Emma's was cold and hard, uncomfortable to say the least.

"I've heard my mind is pretty loud for people with Gifts like yours." Erik had stated, seeing the Queen smile at him, eyes staring down at him from her throne.

"Your mind is certainly agitated, witcher, but not that loud. At least not for me."

He buried the memory somewhere Charles wouldn't be able to pick up unless he broke his promise of not prying into Erik's mind, keeping his mouth carefully shut so it wouldn't betray him. Thankfully, he didn't need to talk once Charles filled the silence between them again.

"I have a room here at one of the inns. Not the most luxurious thing but the bed is comfortable. You can stay the night with me if you wish to."

The hidden meaning of those words made Erik clench his jaw again, knowing exactly what would happen if he followed Charles to his room, what always happened. It was another chance for him to let go of Charles that he was being given that day, to leave before Charles did, and it should be the option he should take. There was nothing that could come from accepting Charles' offer other than pain and regret. But, even then, his mouth betrayed him.

"Sure." a simple word, a simple affirmation, but that sealed Erik's decision because, although the liked to think differently, he wouldn't change his mind, wouldn't leave. In the end, he still wanted Charles, even with the pain that came with him.

Charles was still upset at Erik's words back in the tavern, he knew it, and he knew that Charles hadn't given up on his quest of trying to bring his sister back from the dead, but whatever kept bringing Erik to the sorcerer's bed managed to keep bringing Charles back to Erik's as well. It was a connection that neither of them admitted, but it was there as Charles pulled the witcher slightly to walk towards the inn.

The innkeeper didn't even bat an eye to the two men walking up towards the room, Charles still showing just how powerful he was, and soon they were inside Charles' room. It wasn't luxurious, as the sorcerer had said himself, but it was bigger than what Erik would get for himself. There was a small fireplace on the wall and a desk with a chair where many books and pages of what Erik assumed were Charles' annotations thanks to the handwriting were laying in an organized mess. The bed that was against the wall was big, making Erik smile at the fact that Charles needed all that space to sleep, distracting himself with the image of the sorcerer splayed on top of the bed for a moment before shaking his head and looking away.

Inside the room, Charles finally got rid of his furrs and walked to the fireplace to start a fire as Erik looked at him carefully. Charles' hair was messy thanks to the wind outside, but that was about it. The blue vest was tight against his torso like the black trousers clung to his legs in a way that made Erik think that those shouldn't be allowed to be worn. Meanwhile, the loose sleeves of his undershirt almost covered his hands in a way that made Charles look smaller than he was. All the clothes looked new and cleaner than what someone who was constantly traveling clothes should look, and they all made Charles look incredibly attractive in Erik's eyes.

"You only wear black," Charles had complained once in one of their encounters. "I should buy you new clothes."

Erik had shut the sorcerer up with a kiss back then, and, when Charles got on his feet after successfully starting a fire, Erik thought about doing it again, about taking the few steps that separated them both and pulling him into a kiss to feel the red and soft lips against his own again after months without crossing paths with the other man. Charles seemed to catch those thoughts, because a smirk appeared on his lips and made Erik regret thinking altogether while around Charles.

The dagger that Charles carried — a silver blade with carvings of vines along the hilt that Erik had given him years ago — was there against his waist, and Erik watched as Charles discarded it by the fireplace before walking towards the witcher and pressing his body close to Erik's, eyes looking up thanks to the difference in height between them, allowing Erik to notice the spark that crossed the blue of Charles' irises. The witcher stopped breathing for a moment as he felt the line of Charles' body against his own, hands automatically moving to rest against the sorcerer's waist, making Charles smirk.

"Why don't we extend that deal of _not talking_ to this moment?" Charles said, voice almost a whisper now that he was close to Erik and had the witcher's full attention. 

"I would love to see you trying to keep your mouth shut." Erik replied, face now getting closer to Charles' face and placing an almost adoring kiss to the spot right under Charles' ear, hearing him sigh in his arms with satisfaction.

It was petty how, when he had Charles in his arms like this, there was nothing else that crossed his mind that wasn't the desperate want that he felt towards the sorcerer. Erik was well aware that it was petty how he just allowed himself to do it over and over again, only to lose everything in the morning. But some part of his mind knew that this, the sex, the fights and the occasional friendly moments between them, were all that he would get from Charles, and he wanted all he could get. He could deal with consequences later, because Charles had been wrong in that tavern when he said that Erik never had someone he loved, and Erik felt like an idiot for falling in love with the sorcerer. Sometimes, he wished that the stories about the witchers were true, that he couldn't feel anything, because as he slowly undressed Charles, taking in every inch of skin that was revealed for him as Charles' hands helped Erik with his own clothes, his heart started to take over. 

Those were the moments where his heart would give him hope, would try to make Erik think that maybe, just maybe, Charles would stay this time, because it was how he coped with the idea that Charles wouldn't stay. False hopes, but that always made the kisses on Charles' skin taste sweeter. In the end, Erik pitied himself for being a fool, but that pity would only come in the morning. For the time being, there was just Chales. Charles, and his red lips that Erik kissed as if it was everything that Erik wanted in his life. Charles, and his soft and warm skin under Erik's hands as he finally got the sorcerer naked. Charles, and his blue eyes that looked up at Erik as if somehow he could love the witcher as well, shining like gemstones in the dim lighting of the room.

It was pleasure and it was pain, to hold Charles there, to push him gently towards the bed and lay down with him, to look down and see Charles raising a hand to touch his face almost too softly, eyes clouded with want. And yet, he once again ignored the pain as his mind kept giving him that stupid hope that Charles would be there in the morning. That he would be able to kiss him once sunlight came through the windows, hold him while the sun was up and not just in the dark of the night. It was self-destructive, but he couldn't stop himself.

They ended up keeping the deal of not speaking during that, the only sounds filling the room being the rustling of the bedsheets, the sound of skin against skin and Charles' soft moans as Erik moved inside of him, both looking at each other as they moved. And Charles looked beautiful in Erik's eyes there, face showing the pleasure he was feeling together with his mind, that was sharing every sensation with Erik, making the experience even more intense for both of them. His red lips were parted as he huffed out small breaths with every thrust from Erik, and the witcher was sure he could watch this for the rest of his life, watch Charles falling apart in his arms.

He wasn't sure later as he remembered their sex, but he could swear that he broke the deal then, looking at Charles as he told him what he felt, the words _'I love you'_ leaving his lips during the heat of the moment. And he wasn't sure, it felt like a dream later when he was dozing to sleep by Charles' side, but Erik could swear that Charles held Erik tighter then, pulling Erik into a kiss that felt different from the others they had shared through the night, and came as Erik gave his last thrusts.

Erik fell asleep with Charles' body against his, nestled against him as if he needed the contact with the witcher, and with his mind calm against his as well, giving Erik just the peace he needed to fall asleep. He dreamed with the sorcerer, blurred images that didn't make sense, but that were clear enough to know it was Charles there, ocean blue eyes staring at Erik with much more fondness than normally, pale skin bare as he kept Erik close, comforting him.

But, once he opened his eyes in the morning, the dream vanished, and there were no blue eyes staring back at him and no freckled body next to his on the bed. The room felt cold as Erik looked around and felt that familiar pain reach his heart once more. He shouldn't be surprised that Charles wasn't there, that he left while Erik slept — probably keeping the witcher asleep as he gathered all of his stuff. Erik sat on the bed, looking around once again at the now unlit fireplace and the desk that now was clean as if no one had been there previously, except for one piece of paper that made the witcher frown.

He got up, walking towards the paper and picking it up quickly, seeing Charles' handwriting there and clenching his jaw as he read the words in the paper. _Loving is perhaps the most dangerous thing you've ever done. Even more dangerous than all of the stories you ever told me, my friend,_ Charles had written, making Erik realize that he had indeed confessed his feelings the night before. _It'll destroy you, consume you alive, kill you. Take my advice: get rid of this feeling. It's not worth the pain, because you'll never get what you want. You'll never have me,_ said the last part of the message.

Erik felt bitter, felt like he wanted to find Charles again and scream at him all the frustration and pain he was feeling. It was the first time that Charles had left a message, had left any indication that they had truly met and that it wasn't one of Erik's dreams, and it hurt even more than if Charles hadn't left a trace. _You'll never have me,_ Charles had written, and Erik felt like he could shatter at any moment, even if his face was still neutral, the slightly frown on his brow being the only signal that he was feeling something. 

He crumpled the piece of paper and threw it on the corner of the room, picking up his clothes from where they had been thrown the night before and getting dressed quickly, efficiently, even if there was still a bitter taste on his tongue, but somehow deciding to follow Charles' advice. He couldn't afford to feel like that, to get consumed by the pain of a love that was one-sided, and suddenly Erik looked even more stern than normal as he left the inn, making people look at him. The only thing now that showed that the witcher was feeling anything at all was the shaking of the metal objects around him as he walked through the streets.

He didn't stay in the town after that, he left just like he had done every other time that he encountered Charles and they had sex, going to his horse and leaving without looking at anyone else around him, missing the blue eyes that watched him go, stained with almost the same hurt that the witcher felt, his hand pressed against the dagger that vibrated lightly with Erik's power, as if his fingertips on the silver could calm Erik down. But it didn't, and Erik went away as fast as he could, leaving behind that feeling that only served to cause him pain.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Comments and kuddos are always appreciated! ❤️
> 
> Find me on [tumblr!](http://hellfre.tumblr.com)


End file.
